When I was very young, I really loved Ariel (The Little Mermaid), I liked to think I was a mermaid, just in human form, so I learned to surface upwards—with my head down, to keep my nose clear of water—and then swing my hair back! I made a friend at the pool once, doing that, she said I looked like a mermaid!

We swam into the bend under the pool slide, where it echoed, and the water came up (and at night, the lights under the pool made it glow!), pretending we were mermaids and it was our secret grotto!

While I swam on my own in the pool, there were some other adventures, like this one time a bunch of boys and girls banded into teams to compete against each other. That day was a bit strange, because the girl’s team had a girl wearing the same not-quite-a-swimsuit as I was and her name was the same as mine! So I opted to go by another name (I picked the name of a mythological figure I read about while researching mermaids). The boys were led by this blond boy who kind of reminded me of a parrot, he had a name like Collin or Conner or something, I don’t even know if the girl’s team or the boy’s team won in the end…

I was content to keep these mermaid memories close to my heart, as mementos of a time I could more easily relate to my peers, before my awkward “strangeness” as an autistic person meant I was ignored by my peers and could no longer make new, close friends…

Without expcting it, I received a new memory! After a sad prayer where I asked to not be autistic anymore, despite the rare skills and blessings that came with the difficulties (especially after reading autistic adults rarely make friends after leaving school and finding it sadly true past my first year of college), towards the end of my internship, I made a friend!!

A friend with so much in common, who I could talk, walk, and eat with everyday, it made work feel so light and fun, it almost felt like cheating (is it really working if I have someone I can look forward to spending time with too?!), but I guess that’s what others have and take for granted!

Now, my new friend said to me that when she was little, she’d go to the water and ask if there were any mermaids out there, wanting one to be her friend…